Thursday, April 8, 2010

How I Injured Myself: Bathroom Stall Edition


It was a hot, humid October day in South Georgia when it happened. The type of day girls like me hate because our hair gets all frizzy and we drip sweat. Gross. Anyways, I was enjoying the below freezing AC in my college's library doing some chemistry homework when all of the sudden I had to go. Go and answer nature's call. I made my way to the ladies' room... and into one of the most memorable experiences of my life.


I was finished taking care of business and went to stand up. That's when my shoulder met the sharp metal corner of the toilet paper dispenser. One word: ouch. I gingerly pulled back my sleeve to inspect the damage to my shoulder and noticed a brown bit of skin hanging freely. When I removed it with my finger, I made a startling realization; it was a mole. Yes. I removed a mole in a bathroom stall. Take a moment to let that sink in.


Unfortunately for me, this was only the first time I would maim myself while in a bathroom stall... It was no more than three weeks later that it happened again. I went to stand up and bam! left hip met a sharp corner of metal. It hurt. I had to go to chemistry class, and the only thing I could think the entire class period was, 'Ouch it hurts!' and 'I bet I'm bleeding; I have to be bleeding. It hurts too bad for there to have been no bloodshed.' After class, I went to look at the damage. Sure enough, I was bleeding, and I ended up with a scar from this encounter with the bathroom stall...


While I would never intentionally hurt myself in any way, I have to say; It is pretty bad ass to tell people that I once removed a mole in a bathroom stall, and I have a scar from one on a completely separate occasion as well.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Losin' It


Where the hell are my pants?? That's all I could think as I was wading through the piles of clothes, papers, empty Gatorade bottles, and all the other stuff I have on my bedroom floor/bed/everywhere. Ugh. If losing items were an Olympic sport, I'd be a number one contender for the gold. Seriously.


I've lost everything from toothpaste (don't worry I had a back-up tube, I'm not that gross) to a diamond stud earring. A personal favorite of mine is when I lost a movie ticket while on a first date. I sat on the floor of the mall and emptied out my purse (including bc... eek!!), pockets, jacket pockets and everywhere else the little piece of paper could've been hiding. All the while trying not to get too flustered while telling the guy "Oh. Haha. I lose stuff all the time. I would literally loose my head if it wasn't attached..." I was thinking in the back of my head 'Please dude find this cute/endearing/quirky and not super annoying.' and also, 'Smile and be cute. BE CUTE.' The guy was really nice about it, and even if he didn't find my almost super-human ability to lose the ticket he had given me an hour earlier adorable, I know he at least found it entertaining.


This "gift" of mine is well known and well made-fun of by those close to me. So much so that my mom got me a key chain with a little yarn figure with 8 googly eyes super glued on its enormous purple head. The figurine is aptly named "Crazy Eyes," and its main purpose is to "help you find whatever it is you are looking for." My mom had gotten me a Crazy Eyes key chain because I had lost my keys earlier in the semester... yeah. Well I had not had Crazy Eyes more than a few weeks when I lost it. Yes. I lost the little talisman that was suppose to help me find all the other stuff I've lost. I mean, at least I didn't lose my keys (again)!


Purple Crazy Eyes has since been replaced by a green Crazy Eyes, and my mom even had enough foresight to get me a turquoise Crazy Eyes as a back-up... sigh.